Lucky to have been where I have been, Lucky to be coming home again.

I'm supposed to be updating this thing often, some people think I'm suicidal. Sheesh haha.

So I woke early up today and the weather was awesome, and everything was calm and clear and smelt nice. Very serene like. Well of course it did, I'm not in Yishun today. Washed my hair, which reeked of smoke. Cleared the room, cleaned Coco's mess(accidentally locked her into the room so she peed like an ocean). Slept terribly last night, but today I feel better, almost purposeful. Got some messages super early in the morning, everyone's been very very nice. <3>

First thing I did when I came online was to check my email, but no reply from him. Shit I feel really bad about that. We didn't have a plan for this. Hmm okay maybe he'll read this...HEY YOU I'M SORRY! I don't know why you were so nice to me in the first place, but now I kinda wish you didn't cos I miss you so much! And ignoring me wasn't part of the plan you jerk! Okay forget it I feel like I'm talking to myself.- It all makes me very sad and guilty. Forget that. No calls, nothing. It really shows. What a stupid way to break the self-peservation rule. And all the time wasted crying and being retarded.

I think the principal is weird. I know this is going to sound melodramatic but I shall never forget yesterday. Sitting there with Gel and Matthew(who were both in their usual happy-go-lucky moods), freezing to death, waiting her to spit it out, when she obviously didn't have anything to say to us.

"You suck too bad, school doesn't want you anymore. I can see you're really cold, you may go now" would have been nice. And she's weird cos all she kept saying was "Mmm...", and doing the slow blinking thing, that really annoys me. Obviously the whole point of that meeting was to make sure we didn't kill ourselves or that our parents wouldn't kill us, but I don't think she achieved that(the longer I sat there the more I felt like flinging myself off Republic Plaza).

Anyway for those who are curious but don't dare/can't be bothered to ask(reader statistics suggest quite a number of people interested in my retarded life), next step is... Lasalle or Mass comm! Mass comm will make me feel better, because I'll be spending less of mummy's money. Its also harder, less enjoyable work(think heaps of pw), and in a retarded way unenjoyable work always feels like its more likely to get you places. But then Lasalle is so much nearer to travel to, and I've wanted to go there all my fricking life. I will be so bloody happy in Lasalle. And then there's A's. I don't know how that works, the whole private candidate thing, kinda scary. But whatever I'll try and do it if they want.

Okay now the immediate plan of action is to work and do dance and art(fix my crummy portfolio). Really need to start moving and keep moving!

See guys I'm fine.:) *blows kisses*